


Drowning: A Mass Effect Short Story

by panda_reads



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Relationship, spoilers for Leviathan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-13
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2019-01-16 17:28:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12347268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panda_reads/pseuds/panda_reads
Summary: He watched the froth of bubbles as the mech carrying Shepard disappeared beneath the waves, and all Kaidan could feel was dread, like they’d said good-bye without saying it. And all he could do was wait.





	Drowning: A Mass Effect Short Story

 

_Disclaimer: All character names, locations and plot elements are the property of Bioware and Electronic Arts (EA) Games. ‘Mass Effect’ and all related characters are the sole property of these entities. This is a fan-written fiction._

* * *

 

Kaidan peered over the short wall, hoping for something to shoot, just to take his mind off the present situation, but the Reaper troops were gone for the moment, biding time on their side of this floating hell. He crouched, back against the barricade, breathing through his nose, trying not to think about whatever was happening down there beneath seemingly infinite pounds of pressure. It was a dark ocean, this planet, a sea of nothing, and the constant rain bit through his armor, the cold echoing through to his skin.

_Cold and dark_ had been Ann Bryson’s refrain. _“All I remember is being somewhere cold and dark.”_

_And now Shepard’s down there in the same cold and the same dark and I’m not there._

It had been so fast, an eternity in just a few minutes.

The old diving mech needed a check-up, so while the Reaper troops were distracted, Shepard piloted the suit over to the side of the dock. Cortez ran the diagnostics; Shepard popped the canopy. Vega asked the question they were all wondering: “You sure about this?”

Shepard nodded.

Kaidan hadn’t known what to say. All that he could say was, “Shepard…” like a plea, some vague request, to not go through with this, to just wait, because they’d been through worse, they could wait this out.

Instead, a weak, uncertain smile on his... what? His lover? No, no, they weren’t lovers – not yet – so, what, maybe, his… what, his best friend? His closest friend? Partner sounded too formal, so, maybe, for now, yeah, that would do… a weak, uncertain smile on his best friend’s face and a promise, “I’ll be fine” even if he sounded like he didn’t quite believe it.

Kaidan could only offer him a nod in response, remembering how stubborn they both were, but how Shepard had him beat in that department in every way.

Cortez gave them the all clear. Kaidan stepped back. Shepard closed the hatch, gave him one last little smile, and then he ran off the edge of the dock, the mech _thunk thunk thunking_ along as it moved. The metallic feet made contact with the makeshift dock and there was an explosive splash as the suit hit the water, the churning waves barely breaking their pulse.

The sounds stuck in Kaidan’s mind, filed away for later nightmares.

He watched the froth of bubbles as the mech carrying Shepard disappeared beneath the waves, and all Kaidan could feel was dread, like they’d said good-bye without saying it. And all he could do was wait.

The Reaper troops showed up only moments later.

* * *

They’d heard his voice for a few minutes; Cortez patched the other two men into his radio. Then nothing. One moment, Shepard’s voice assured them that everything looked fine, then, nothing, just a solid, empty space where a voice should’ve been.

Kaidan wanted to believe the chill came from the rain. He knew it was that creeping dread, a fear of what was beneath the waves, of whatever horrible thing might be lying in wait.

_And what if I just missed out on my chance to say good-bye before I even got a chance to say hello?_

Cortez called his name. “Major, I’ve got a couple brutes heading our way. Looks like they’re going to wait us out.”

Kaidan peeked over the barricade, saw the techno-organic abominations at the far end of the dock, slowly lumbering their way forward. The things weren’t charging; they were walking carefully, methodically, footstep to footstep, striking the deck, keeping in full view, but never charging. It was like they were showing off – _we’re here, we’re coming for you, and you’ve got nothing to stop us_.

Kaidan heard the ricochet of bullets as Vega aimed at two husks clambering over one of the long-abandoned shelters. One’s head exploded, the other ended up dismembered.

Kaidan felt the rain sliding through his hair, down his face, beneath his collar.

He wanted to hear something, some proof that he hadn’t just lost everything to a _possibility_.

He peered at the brutes.

They seemed to stare back, their missing lower jaws and protruding neck vertebrae grotesque reminders that they might have been thinking, feeling beings once. Whatever they were now, they were capable of nothing but pain, terror, and disgust.

He gestured to the lieutenants to keep an eye on the brutes. One false move, one brief glance away from their enemies, and this would be their last stand.

* * *

 

The silence on the radio reigned for an hour, maybe a little longer. Kaidan’s eyes were cold at this point, tired and aching from observing the brutes; he’d been waiting and watching for them to make the first move. They’d lumbered closer, taunting the three men, harassing them with their presence. Some husks were the only Reaper troops making any kind of real push, and a few well-placed shots were only getting them so far.

He exhaled. _It’s been too long. You need to come back, soon, Shepard. I need you back._

_I need to see your face. I need to hear your voice. I need to know you’re okay._

_I need to know this was worth it._

One of the brutes stepped heavily on the dock, a thumping sound that drew Kaidan out of his own thoughts.

_Shit._ He risked a glance, saw the brute lock eyes with their location.

_This is it._

_Shepard. I’m sorry, but we tried—_

The water erupted, distracting the creature from its path.

Kaidan looked; Cortez and Vega followed his lead, curiosity overriding self-preservation.

The diving mech thudded to the deck, teetering on the edge. The canopy opened, and Kaidan saw the occupant – Shepard, numbly shaking his head, hands trembling and reaching out for the open, freezing air – slide forward and out of the mech, striking the metal ground with all the grace of a krogan in a porcelain shop. He slowly got to his feet, staggered forward like he’d forgotten how to walk, and collapsed, violently shaking, his arms wrapped around his sides, an agonized grimace twisting his features. The mech toppled back into the water, sank.

One of the brutes saw fresh prey.

Kaidan got to his feet.

_Shepard. Hold on._

The brute raised one of its hands over the helpless soldier on the deck. Kaidan vaulted the barricade, biotic energy flooding through his nerves. _You touch him, you son of a bitch, and I’m going to rip your DNA into fragments, doesn’t matter how powerful your masters are, you are_ not _touching him while I’m still breathing_.

As he watched, the brute hesitated, shaking its head – the damn thing’s half-face almost looked confused – before it turned its massive arms on its fellow monster, beating it to the deck. Kaidan sucked in a breath and rushed forward, sliding to his knees beside Shepard, getting an arm beneath his shoulders, shouting his name, but getting no response. He could see tar-black blood streaming from Shepard’s nose, could hear the commander’s labored, shivering breaths.

Kaidan tried again – “Shepard? Hey, Shepard!” – but no response other than a body alternating between fighting him or leaning into him for support. The major pushed forward, dragging Shepard with him, forcing his legs to cooperate and move up the deck, pushed him into the shuttle. Shepard collapsed to the floor, shaking and hissing for air through his teeth.

Cortez scrambled to the pilot’s chair, Vega guarded the open shuttle door, weapon at the ready, watching the few Reaper troops still gathered. It was their turn to wait now, their turn to watch. Vega had no problem taking them down if they decided to be stupid; he’d do it in a heartbeat.

Kaidan crouched over Shepard, watching for some signs of life, some glimpse of his pale blue eyes, something, anything, to confirm that he was still in there. There were places soldiers went in battle, in war, sometimes just circumstance, when the environment forced them to withdraw deep inside, where they were safe but alone. In this case, Kaidan needed a sign, needed some assurance that Shepard was safe, but instead all the evidence before him pointed to the commander being trapped somewhere Kaidan couldn’t help him, back him up, or protect him.

_Goddamn you_. _Open your eyes, Shepard._

Cortez’s voice broke into his panic, shouting something about the jamming signal being gone; they had a chance to escape.

Kaidan didn’t have a voice to shout back, he could only use the diagnostic program on his omni-tool to see that he had a near-hypothermic and barely conscious commander on his hands. _Why are you so cold? What the hell happened to you down there?_

The diagnostic program squealed at him. Shepard’s core temperature was dropping.

“Shepard?” Kaidan crouched over him. “Shepard!”

“Get us out of here!” Vega barked at Cortez.

“I’m trying! We’ve got a Reaper inbound. I’m going to try something crazy.”

Kaidan heard Shepard half-shout, a cry of chills and pain, rolling to his side, shaking more violently than before. His eyes were squeezed shut, his teeth grinding together, his lips blue, his skin pale, the veins in his face shining through, like his flesh was freezing away.

Cortez spoke: “The Reaper, it… the signal got it. We’re in the clear.” He sounded confused, like he didn’t trust his instruments.

Vega’s response was exasperated and frightened at the same time. “Why are you hesitating, Steve? Get us the hell out of here!”

Kaidan kept focused. “Shepard? Shepard, can you hear me?” He looked at the diagnostic screen, blinking a rapidly dropping temperature. “He’s freezing,” he said to no one in particular, just something to say, a horrible admission that this was it, he wasn’t going to get up, and—

Shepard shot up, coughing, choking, swiping the blood from his face, ragged breathing shifting to simple easy-to-manage inhalations.

Kaidan stared. “Are you all right? Can you hear me?” he repeated.

“Yeah,” Shepard responded, coughed, dragged his body into one of the seats, leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “Yeah. Hell of a headache.”

“What happened down—“

“Ann,” Shepard interrupted, still shaking, his color slowly returning. “Ann, I need to call Ann. Someone get Ann Bryson on the… the…” He started coughing again.

Kaidan sent the comm signal, and a moment later, the grainy image of Dr. Ann Bryson appeared on the video feed.

Shepard staggered to his feet. “How’re you feeling?” he asked.

_“Much better,”_ the researcher responded. _“What did you find down there?”_

“Long story,” Shepard told her. “I’ll have a report for you. Just know that your father was right. He was right, Ann.”

Ann lifted her hands to her mouth. _“Thank you, Commander. I… sounds like you’ve got quite the story for me. Thank you.”_

The feed ended.

Shepard sank back into the shuttle chair, leaned his head back with a dull thump on the wall. He opened one eye, looked at Kaidan, and offered that same weak, uncertain smile as before, but there was something assured in this, some glimpse of hope.

Kaidan pursed his lips, and said, quietly, “Don’t ever do that again.”

Shepard agreed with a small nod of his head.

 

* * *

 

Two hours later he’d given his report to Admiral Hackett and promptly disappeared from the general population of the ship. Specialist Traynor couldn’t get him to answer any direct messages, and Dr. Chakwas told Kaidan that Shepard hadn’t so much as allowed her to check his pulse.

Kaidan only heard a few of the things Shepard told Hackett about what he’d seen down below the waves, and to Kaidan’s perspective, they sounded like nightmares come to life.

_Worse than Reapers, but maybe more frightening because they’re scared of them, too,_ he thought grimly.

Deciding to see how much he could push – testing the waters, he thought with unpleasant humor – he stepped onto the elevator and pushed the sensor for Shepard’s cabin. When the doors opened he stepped onto the panel between the lift and the commander’s room. The green light pulsed over the door lock, the doors sliding open with a gentle hiss.

He found Shepard leaning against his desk, staring at the fish tank built into the wall. The fish lazily moved around, oblivious to the world beyond their glass enclosure. Shepard stared at them, following their movements with small flicks of his eyes, never moving his head.

“Hey,” Kaidan said, lifting his hand, “you okay?”

“Fine,” Shepard said.

“You just gave your report and disappeared.”

“I’m fine,” Shepard said again.

“You weren’t fine when you hit the deck,” Kaidan said softly. “I thought you weren’t going to get up. Your lips were blue; you were shaking. I don’t think you knew I was there. You were so cold,” he added, hoping some honesty might pierce the wall he found himself up against.

Shepard slowly looked at him. He sighed heavily, shoulders slumping, folding his arms. “I was,” he admitted. “It was cold, it was dark, it was… I thought I… I thought I was drowning in darkness.”

“What did you see down there?”

“Just what I told Hackett: whatever those things are, the Leviathan, they created the Reapers. Seems like they regret it now. They showed me things, and I… they got inside my head.” He shuddered. “It was like having fingers digging into my brain, looking for everything that was me, all my memories, every thought I’ve ever had, digging around in my head, using the most recent traces to show me what they wanted me to see.”

Kaidan stood next to him. “What’d you see?”

“Ann,” he said. “I saw Ann, and her father, and Hadley, his assistant, the one who killed him. I saw all three of them, wandering around, talking to me, but the Leviathan was talking through them.” He absently rubbed at his nose. “I remember, I told them that we needed them, and the next thing I knew, I wasn’t even in the mech anymore, I was somewhere else, colder, darker than the water. I remember I got sick, and I kept fading in and out, like, one moment I was me, the next I was stuck where they wanted me, and the longer I was there, the less time I was… _me_.” He looked at the fish tank, walked toward it, pressed his hand against the glass. “I don’t know what happened, exactly, but it let me go. I woke up, I was freezing, I could barely breathe, but I guess I had enough sense to get the mech working again, got it topside.” He looked at Kaidan. “Next thing I remember clearly is waking up in the shuttle.”

“You didn’t let Chakwas look you over,” Kaidan said.

Shepard shook his head. “No. I didn’t. I’d rather not be confined anywhere right now.”

“But you’re up here.”

“This is my space,” Shepard said. “It’s not much, but I’ve managed to make it mine.”

Kaidan took that as a hint. “Well,” he said, “if you want to talk more, you know where to find me. Observation isn’t as big as this, but—“

“I knew you were there. I heard you,” Shepard said.

Kaidan tilted his head, curious.

“I remember your voice,” the commander said. “When the mech broke the surface, I wasn’t ready. I remember the mech opening, and I felt all this pressure, the cold. I was so cold it hurt. I couldn’t think, but I heard you, I felt you pulling me up, getting me out of there.” He smiled. “Thanks. You saved my life. Again.”

Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, you saved mine a few times, so, call it even.”

“We need to hit the Citadel, file all this data, make sure it gets to the right people,” Shepard said. “We should have a little downtime. If I buy you dinner, can we call it even?”

“I’m not sure one dinner’s going to make this even,” Kaidan teased.

“Dinner,” Shepard said slowly, “and, I’ll let you beat me in a sparring match.”

“’Let’ me beat you?” Kaidan echoed.

Shepard gave him a dazzling smile. “Come on, Alenko, when’s the last time we sparred properly? And how many times have you wanted to kick my ass in the past two years?”

“Every damn day since Horizon,” Kaidan shot back.

“That long, huh?”

“You’re gonna earn that beating, Shepard.”

“Hell, at this rate, I’ll make it a real match. We can get a betting pool going and everything.”

“You sound like you’re going to be enjoying this, Commander.”

“Is that a lack of desire to be humiliated by your commanding officer that I hear in your voice, Major?”

“Or,” Kaidan suggested, “we could tag-team Vega and see how long he lasts against two veteran soldiers like us.”

Shepard’s mouth curled into a mischievous smile. “Major, I think we have a deal there.”

“So about that dinner,” Kaidan said.

Shepard arched an eyebrow.

“Meet me on the Presidium,” Kaidan said, “after you’ve done all your important work. We can go to dinner, and talk. We’re going to have a long, long talk.”

“About…?”

“We’re going to finish that conversation we started the other day at the café,” Kaidan said, folding his arms. “And we’re going to talk about taking crazy risks. We’re also going to discuss proper assault tactics for a sniper and a biotic to take against a gorilla-sized man like James.”

Shepard smiled. “It’s a date.”

Kaidan returned the smile. “See you on the Presidium, Commander.”

 

_The End_

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this story years ago, along with several other shorts set during and after the ME trilogy. I love playing around in this galaxy. I hope you enjoyed the ride with me.


End file.
